Sooooo basically my life JUST got even harder. A whole bunch of things are just floating through my mind and I feel kinda overwhelmed. Not as much as yesterday but still pretty overwhelmed.

My best friend Tiffy doesn't want to move out with me anymore... well scratch that, it was supposed to originally be me, her and carly, then carly moved in with her boyfriend, which is understandable because she was a bit more prepared than we were, so it was just down to me and Tiff. Then her boyfriend came along and then it was gonna be me, her and her boyfriend sam. Well, two nights ago she called me up and told me she had some exciting amazing news. But, I was sleeping. So we met up the next day for breakfast. as we were eatingour bagels and proceeding to have a good time, she tells me her big news. She tells me that her boyfriend talked to his moms friend, who owns some apartments, somewhere and its 800 square feet, and utilities included, and all this great stuff. And then she tells me, "but its only a one bedroom apartment." Ouch. So basically, she doesn't wanna move out with me anymore and left me out in the rain. Boom, Adrian is now the third wheel. Whatever, its life, people really do come and go. I really did think that I was gonna be friends with her forever. But honestly, I can't see that anymore, not with what she told me. Yeah its great that they're are getting married in two years... two fuckin years. Date set and everything. They've been going out for.... what? A couple months? And they dated freshman year. Whoa good job. It must be nice to know that you got your whole life planned at 18 years old. Moving out with her boyfriend, getting married to her boyfriend blah blah blah. Which I think is the worst decision she has ever made. She's definitely going in it too fast. Love is blind and she's living her life blindfolded, being caught up in the fact that's she thinks she's in love. She went out with Manny for two years and they ended a huge ass mess. But she is stubborn, so whatever. And then the whole motherly acting as a grown up thing. She's 18. Not even 19. Still in her teens. And she wants to act like she's all mature? Hahahahaha. It makes me laugh, but makes me really mad. If she wants to go on and do that, more power to her. And I hope everything works out in the end for her. But I understand, I guess. She wants to live her own life.

My other best friend Carly is either moving to San Antonio, or to Germany. San Antonio because her boyfriend's job here, I guess, isn't really working out for him so he said he might be moving to San Antonio in June to be a Texas Ranger. The only bad thing for her is that he's gonna be living with his parents and she's gonna have to live... practically alone. But she has a good plan, go there, get a crappy apartment take a year off off school, work all year, then after that year she'll be a resident and can afford instate tuition then use all her saved up money to go back to school. Which is really smart, I think. Or she can move to Germany with her parents who are getting deployed there. I guess. But she said that if her boyfriend breaks up with her, then she's gonna move in with me! Yay...

But honestly, I think I wanna move to Cali. Like keep going to school here, but ACTUALLY save up money, like im starting to do, for the next year and pack up and move to Cali. Take off a year from school and work my ass off and try to get my music career started. Which is gonna be a long shot for me but hey, there's no hurt in trying right? Things can go horribly bad but nothing that I can't fix on my own. Im totally determined to get there. I have too. Its the only thing I have going for me right now. I need to start networking, writings more songs, getting noticed, performing more, getting more active instead of just slaving my life away, waiting to pass. I guess you can say that this is kind of an epiphany for me. Idk. There's soooo much I need to do.

I've decided that my goal for this year is to not be in a relationship... scratch that... I like relationships but I don't want a boyfriend. That doesn't mean I wanna be promiscuous or anything. It just means that if I do step into "something" I don't want it to accelerate too far too soon or anything. Sex for me just doesn't cut it anymore. I want passion, and intimacy, and creativity and just something else that isn't just sex. There needs to be something there to make it even better. Im not ready to settle down just yet but I am looking for something real amd long term. I've been hurt tooooo many times before to wanna be hurt again. And I wouldn't wanna put someone through the same shit as I have. I believe in waiting, and that you'll be rewarded. Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue. I know right off the bat that there is no room in my heart for another tucson boy, so im not gonna fall for another one. At least not this year. I don't care how great it is or he is or anything. If he really wants me, he'll wait. Patience is a virtue. This is like.... me trying to re-invent myself, for the better. So much has gone on THIS YEAR alone than my whole life.

"Stop being a bitch" I tell myself. But it doesn't really work out that way. Im generally a nice person.... no. Not generally. Im a nice person all the time. Or try to be. But I can be a bitch at times. Sooooo I just need to do something about it.

Basically, im making a lot of changes and I don't know whether all of it will follow through or anything, im just blogging what I feel at the moment, and right now..... its a lot.

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Mmmmkay. So pretty much a lot has happend over the course of these
couple of days. Lol, well, I went fishing with my brothers and
sister...
well, I did a little then, I didn't like catch anything so I just
basically played the guitar most of the time lol, because im such a
loser.

Well, I met this great boy. Actually, I have yet to meet him but he
seems really genuine. He's a sweet talker, and I know, "Adrey, you need

to watch out for those kinda people." Yes yes yes, I know. Im keeping
my
gaurd up but still, he really makes me happy. Each time he calls me my
heart skips a beat and we have these great conversations. I just...
can't get enough of him. I can really see myself falling hard for him.
And this reality just feels like a dream. Im the dreamer, and he is my
dream. And I don't ever want him to fade away or become a nightmare. It

feels so right. I deserve a good guy. And good guy = him. =].

I put 2 new videos on youtube. One is of me singing Umbrella, and the
other is the new song I wrote. =].

My best friend stayed the night last night and we had a blast, and my
friend Cass who is also one of my best friends stayed also. It was
really cool to have my best best best friend meet up with my best
friend
in my neighborhood. We had a grand old time watching videos and talking

and stuff. It was great. =]. Then we woke up with Shane on my mind. =].

Then we all left and me and tiff went to go pick up our friends Arina
and Robby and went to eat bagels at Breuggers. It was amazing. Lol.
Then
they took me to work.

Which sucks.

But anyways, finiancial situation, still horrible, but I paid off
school, all $314 and all I have is $2 for the next week. Payday is
friday, and hopefully it'll be a big one, because I really need to pay
off my credit card. Then start saving for a car. And start saving for
the apartment, which hopefully won't be too much. But its getting
better. Im getting better.

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hey guys, yayyy time for another bloggg. well, for the past few days i've been pretty busy with work and such but whatevs. soooo i definitely found the rest of my money and am now trying to finish paying for college byyyyy Friday i believe and my damn PayPal stuff hasn't gone through yet so hopeuflly it will soon.

anyways, so i'm really sad because i can't find the battery for my digital camera. =[. that means i can't put up anymore videos on youtube... which i LOVE and you guys should most defintiely subscribe to my youtube channel http://youtube.com/user/numeria and it would definitely make me very happy. =]]]. ALSO, i wrote a new song! AND I wanna put it on youtube but.... i can't apparantly since I DONT HAVE THE BATTERY TO MY FRIGGIN CAMERA!!! Ugh, it's pissing me off and i've been looking for 3 days... i can't rememebr where I put it. =[

lame. but whatevs, ok, boys, ughhh i hate boys... well not really. but i decided to play the single card for a while and i'm glad i am. haha, i wanna be a born-again virgin. my new rule is IMA MAKE THEM BITCHES WORK FOR THIS... which translates to: i'm not having sex with you until I feel like i'm ready for it. i just don't wanna seem easy you know? like, i'm not easy. but i need to follow through with it, and i think i will from now on.

so, now i'm addicted to this song White by Lights, it's on my Myspace http://myspace.com/jubileer <---- there and its a really great song but I JUST CANNOT FIND IT!!!! Like, on LimeWire or anything... and i really want it, like HXC. grrr. does anyone have it?

OH!! ANd BTW, i most DEFINITELYYYY love the new Migrate song by Mariah! SHe's basically amazingggg and i can't wait to see her again! Did I tell you I met her? twice! it was thhhhhheeee best! i can't wait for her CD to come out!!!!!

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blahhhhh ok. so i DID make it to work ON TIME, the other day. it was pretty boring actually. 9 to 530... ughhh but whatevs, i made most of the sales and it was pretty exciting if I do say so myself. =]]]. then afterwards we went to go see The Eye with Jessica Alba and that was pretty amazing too. It was actually a good movie... well i thought so anyways. Then after that I went home to my mommys party. It was like a boxing match between somefilipino guy. And I think he lost but whatevs. Then afterwards we sang kareoke, it was exciting. And then my friends came over and we watched movies and chilled out and just had a good time. =]]]]. kkk well i'm running out of time so ill tell you about my day yesterday.... tomorrow.... hahaha.

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watching: computer screen
listening to: mariah carey
mood: ruhshhhhed

grrrrrr. ok so yesterday... ughh. my gosh. so i woke up at 930am and started to get ready for work and it was exciting because i start work at 1130am right? but me and my brother had to go buy some cupcakes and drop them off at my little sisters school because it was her bday... sooo i get done at 1030am waiting for my friggin' lazy ass brother to finish getting ready, and he doesn't finish til friggin 1050am.. and i'm like yelling and screaming because we still have to drive to Fry's wait in line, buy the cupcakes then drive to the school and then get me to work... and the Fry's and the school are about 5 minutes away from each other but it still takes about 10 to get to the Fry's.

But THEN my friggin' brother take shis sweet ass time in BUYING the cupcakes and taking them to my little sisters classroom. WHAT THE FUCK. Mind you, we live about 35 minutes away from town, and we leave at 1118am so i am driving friggin 90mph weaving in and around through traffic and thankfully i txted my co-worker and told her i was gonna be late. And I get there at arounf 1140am whicho got me there in 20 minutes, because i'm amazingggg, and i know how to drive FAST but SAFE, at least i'm not stupid and taking super duper risks and stuff. I'm not retarded. And all the mean while, my friggin' brother is dancing in the car and blah dee blah not EVEN apologizing for making me late.... WHAT A DICK!!!!! Fuckin stupid.

Well, work was pretty exciting. I was kinda irritated but I got over it after I had some customers. I sold quite a bunch. It was exciting. Made like.... what 8 bucks in commission? ughhh laaaaame, but thats ok. But it was exciting. Then my friend came and we talked about life in general, about how our friend moved away for 2 years and moved back just so she can be with her girfriend... and their engaged... i honestly don't think its gonna work out... i mean they're already living with each other, and arent getting married for 3 years, it's not gonna work out. But whatevs, i just think they are caught up in the moment. And me and my friend made plans to go to this canyon that we went to when i was straight and i went out with her and we took pictures there, and we're gonna go back and take pictures again. I think it's gonna be hella exciting. =]]]. then we DROVE back to her house, picked up somestuff, and went to my house to see what was up with my sis party... well, it's 12 girls... prepubascent little girls running around causing hella ruckus... omfg, i almost shot myself. But we just ate, cleaned, went up stairs and watched Sweeney Todd, which is AN AMAZINGGGGGG MOVIE!!!!! You would most definitely love it =]]]]]l. Then she went home and went to sleeeeep. But anyways, now i'm awake and rushing this entry because i have to be at work innnnnnn..... 52 minutes? Lets seee if i make it.

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ughhh ok, soooo i'm defintiely superly stressing out. my life is KINDA, crumbling down. well to start it off, my car is starting to slowly die... well, it's not even my car, it's my parents car. and well, they want to go and mix both our Geo Metro's together and make it into a nice car, but face it... either way it's gonna look like crap, PLUS my parents are friggin idiots and won't let us drive the yellow car if they fix ours, i just say we sell our ugly ones to that one guy that works at te popcorn place because he wants it, like... badly. and he's willing to buy them. so theres that. but with that, i wanna BUY a new car.... YES, buy one. But the thing is, is that my job is NOT giving me enough money to be able too. like i work 7 bucks an hour at an optical center that can ONLY give me 24 hours a week because i'm only part time. LAAAAAAAME. I would definitely be fine with working 7 bucks an hour WITH MORE HOURSSSSS. Or work 24 hours a week with like.... I don't know... 9 bucks an hour? Just to keep the ball rollin' you know? i need to make more money, maybe i can get a second job somewhere because i really need it...

and on top of that i have to pay 314 bucks by the 21st of this month to pay off the rest of my tuition so i can keep going to school... yeah... bummer, i definitely ONLY HAVE 248 bucks on my credit card... so somehow i need to get 66 bucks onto my credit card so i can pay that off, and when i do thatttt, i need to pay off the rest of my credit card... which will be about 500 bucks.... yeah i know... i'm in a real financial bind you know? but i'll make it work somehow.

me and my friends wanna move out in May... i need to get out of this place. i need a better job. i need to live closer to town. i need to buy a car. UGHHHHH why does everything i need involve money? this is a desperate time, a hard time for me and it just seem like it's gonna get harder for me unless i get some sort of help.... money-wise. whether it be another job, or here or tricking on the streets (which i will hopefully NEVER have to do) or something... i need to find a way to get cash, FAST.

well, thats it from me for now.... ttfn.

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